Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
