I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
