So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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