The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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