we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
