Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
