Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
