38 yer olds are good kisserssss
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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