My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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