I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Randomize
