this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
