the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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