The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
