I looked at my own cervix.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
