i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just cropdusted the office
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
