this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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