I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
