If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
