I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
