dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
