after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
