I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
