Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
