u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My balls are so social today.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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