I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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