Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
