Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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