I think i peed on brittanys purse
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i will never coherently bang her
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
