Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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