Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We had sex on a dog bed..
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
