I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
