ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
