i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
