Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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