I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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