You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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