Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
