New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
