Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
