I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
