weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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