i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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