We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I party with great urgency now.
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