she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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