I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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