Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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