Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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