Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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