I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
vagina is talking i cant
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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