Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
