I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
