this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
