im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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