My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
