She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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