That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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