WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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