We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
