I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
