saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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