I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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