well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Two words: nipple clamps
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