i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
