she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize