Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize