I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
