Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
