i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
