where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
