i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
