She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize